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Wednesday, September 8th, 2004
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3:00a - Voltron - _THE_ Defender of the Universe
This is another one of those.. uh.. anime standup things. Yeah. Anyway.
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Man, Voltron. That was the show.
That robot had the most badass sword.
FORM BLAZING SWORD!
It was like a mixture of a sword, a sceptor, and a fscking baby rattle.
A badass baby rattle.
And it was ON FIRE!
That means it burned shit to the ground.
But Voltron was awesome.
Hell, Lance was played by Michael Bell.
You know, Duke in GI Joe, Raziel in Soul Reaver, and Quackerjack on Darkwing Duck.
Yeah man, anyone who can be as badass as Duke on GI Joe, and then the foil of the fearsome five, Quackerjack is badass in my book.
Yes man, I watched Darkwing Duck. Mr. Bananabrain rocked.
AND HE WAS HIM TOO!
And the narrator was friggin' OPTIMUS PRIME man.
That's all I have to say.
OPTIMUS PRIME.
DROPPIN' JELLO PACKS.
But anyway, Voltron, I was all into that show as a kid.
'Form feet, and legs.. form arms, and body! .. And I'll form.. THE HEAD!'
I'd run around shouting that all the time..
...and my parents would wonder if I was either retarded or found some of their pornos.
But that toy.
It was like a brick, man.
It was made of like 90 pounds of metal.
If you dropped that shit on your foot, damnit man, they were going to have to amputate!
And like, only one of the pilots wore colour coordinated stuff.
This was before Power Rangers, you know.
After Power Ranger, EVERYTHING had to match.
But. This was the wild days of 1985 when a pilot's robot didn't have to match their suit color.
Pilot of black lion? He wore red. Pilot of red lion? Blue. Pilot of blue lion? Pink!
Such rebels!
Man, the only one of those kids who matched was Pidge.
I figure with a name like Pidge, and with his voice, the writers had to throw him some kind of bone.
And being able to match his clothes to his robot's color was that bone.
Speaking of throwing bones, you know that opening dialogue I mentioned before?
You know, form feet and legs? Arms and body? And I'll form.. THE HEAD.
Well, later on they changed it to 'form arms and torso'.
Torso?
I have to imagine there was a big meeting between the Voltron Force, discussing Keith's dialogue.
Some of the members of the Voltron team were unhappy.
Princess Allura and Hunk must have been pissed off that Lance and Pidge got to form not /only/ the arms, but the body.
They were like, that's too much man. We don't get as much of Voltron as you do.
And you have to remember, all Keith got to do was form the head all the time.
The torso was technically part of his goddamn robot, man.
And he gave it all away. Because he was the leader.
And he could dress like some 1970's racer if he wanted to.
He was just that badass.
NOT TO MENTION, he had to remind the viewers EVERY EPISODE what the hell they were forming.
Voltron viewers must have gotten confused easily.
You're forming the arms? Damnit, I thought that was the butt!
Keith was such a giving and understanding leader.
But anyway, they were mad. Hunk and Princess Fancypants.
So Pidge and Lance got cut back from body to just torso.
I guess they probably tried to change it up, too, but, I mean..
FORM LEGS AND LEG STUMPS! FORM ARMS AND TORSO! AND I'LL FORM THE HEAD!
... probably didn't work so well.
How about..
FORM LEGS AND BUTT?
.. does that work?
Naaah.
Anyhow, while I can understand Hunk. I mean, just listen to that name. Hunk..
.. why the hell was Princess Allura so mad? I mean, not /ONLY/ was she a fscking Princess..
..oh no..
..she was a Princess, who saved the world every day, driving a GIANT ASS ROBOT.
WHOSE DEAD FATHER TALKED TO HER FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE.
Man, if my father even TALKED to me I would be happy. But her dad goes BEYOND THE GRAVE to talk to her.
But noooooo, feet and legs wasn't enough for her!
I bet she coerced Hunk into complaining.
I mean, he seems like an okay guy.
I'm sure he was happy being able to kick people in the ass with a big yellow lion face every episode.
I'm.. not getting into the ass-munching aspect of that joke.
You'll have to imagine it yourself.
And remember what you learned today.
Princess Allura is an evil, conniving person..
.. she manipulates, and demands power..
..and one day will try to conquer the world...
...and then run for president...
...And I'll be her campaign coordinator.
CAMPAIGN COORDINATOR OF EVIL.
Vote Allura, 2004!
current mood: crazy
current music: MC Chris - Fett's Vett (comment on this)
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9:19p - So..
The interview was short but went well.
He wanted our resumes and links to work samples, so we sent them off.
We've been to this stage before, though. But gotta keep hopin'.
Thanks to everyone for the mojo.
Keep it a comin'!
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